So, Ben in I were in a rut for a couple of days. Nothing crazy, just got sort of distant and out of tune with each other.
My problem is that when that happens, I usually start getting resentful…and, instead of trying to figure out how to carve out more time with him, I head in the opposite direction: I intentionally stop asking for his input on stuff at the gym, I try to avoid calling or texting him at all, I take longer putting Jonah to sleep and let myself just fall asleep with him for longer than I normally would, I find ways to use the kids as distractions, I start up projects to get lost in (like the gardening stuff I’ve been diving in lately).
Anyway, I was laying in bed in the middle of the night thinking it all through and realized that I was being unfair and not doing my part to communicate with him.
Long story short, I felt a huge rush of guilt that I couldn’t suppress so I waited until he woke up and went to the bathroom and the moment when he got back in bed I rolled over and said, “Ben, I’m sorry.”
He just put his arm around me and said, “Babe, it’s ok.”
It was one of the most sincere, genuine apologies I can remember offering: I wasn’t saying it with the expectation that he would apologize to me or just saying it to say it and not really knowing what I was apologizing for. And, in return, I received one of the most patient, understanding acceptances I could ever have wished for.
It was all so simple, but I think there’s something really special and unique that happens between two people when they can both stop butting heads, lower down their shields, and just remember that they truly love each other.
And, I certainly do love that man.