In my nature, I am an all or nothing personality. It’s something I think has served me well in certain areas of my life, but in many ways has hindered me, as well.
When I was a competitive athlete, this quality was what kept me disciplined and committed to my training and programming. It had me viciously dialed in to a nutrition and recovery plan. I had a routine that my body, and even my family, could count on knowing what to expect on a regular basis. And, it kept me laser focused on improving as many 1%’s as I could possibly find in my every day.
But, it didn’t matter if it was relatable at all to my success as an athlete. It was just in my brain that records always needed to be set, plans needed to be followed to a T, and more was always more.
I weighed and measured every ounce of every anything that I put into my body.
I refused to shower indoors even once when from when our outdoor shower was open for the season in May until we shut the pipes off in November.
I posted on my blog every single day for something like 6 straight years without one single day off.
I weighed myself every single morning.
I even drew Jonah’s brown bag art lunches every day of the school year without fail, even when my parents were watching them while we were away on vacation.
Now that my goals are very different, I think it’s important that I take that same sort of focus and send it in a very different direction: finding balance.
It seems like such a normal, healthy thing to say you want. But, for someone who has spent much of her life putting the idea of extremism up on a pedestal, I am often catching myself feeling like I’m finally getting old, giving up on myself, and becoming lazy.
Having said that, I think I’m finally starting to embrace what I don’t think is laziness at all. Rather, I’d prefer to think of it as an acceptance of an evolution, a new phase of my life where I’m shifting the focus from rigidity and an all or nothing mentality, to finding balance and allowing for flexibility.
I aim to meditate every morning, but if it doesn’t happen because the kids wake up earlier than normal…fine.
I try to write on my blog every day, but if it doesn’t happen because I finally get an opportunity to catch up with an old friend who needs me…fine.
I try to do extra training beyond Ben’s 8:30 class workout, but if that doesn’t work out because I need to spend time writing my lesson plan and talking to other coaches about how my class should be run…fine.
I may no longer be a “competitive” CrossFit athlete, but that doesn’t mean I no longer have purpose and a drive to make my best effort at staying on track with that every day. Nor does that mean that I think that my purpose before was wrong at the time.
What it means is that I think it’s important that you can be honest and realistic with yourself about what your purpose and your goals are at different stages of your life. There should be no looking back, but rather dreaming big and taking the 5 small steps ahead and the 1 step back every day with grace and an open, flexible mindset.