The Naughty Life

How To Use A Tampon

posted by Heather April 12, 2017 0 comments

Building shelves for the bathroom now that I can finally work outside 🙂

Hung up some bamboo shades in the kitchen, but I think I need to swap them out for a different color…something lighter with more texture.

At Maya’s game on Saturday. I stayed home with the two little kids who were napping.

Maya and her friends wear spandex shorts under their skirts normally. I talked her into NOT doing that this time.

I feel like I’ve written about this before, but just in case I didn’t, I’m doing it again.  It’s too good to potentially have missed spreading this story.  It came up at dinner tonight and still had me laughing almost as hard as I did 7 years ago when I saw it all happen in real life.

I was at a Seminar Staff conference with the rest of the Level 1 coaches when we were doing some icebreaker activities to kick off the weekend.  This particular activity was thrown in to develop our ability to get an audience’s attention, and keep it, all while educating them on something.  That “something” was whatever situation was written on the piece of paper that you picked out of a hat.  You had something like 4 minutes to deliver your talk to a small group of your peers.  Some examples of situations in the hat included how to make an ice cream sundae, how to break up with your significant other, and how to make a bed the right way.

This one poor guy gets up, picks his situation, and immediately turns white.

He starts off with, “Ok, I’m going to explain to the group how to…insert a tampon.”

Dying.  Every one of us.

“The first thing you do is bring a box of tampons into the bathroom stall, close the door, and remove all of your clothes.  Then, you open the box, read the directions, and pick out a tampon.  Once you have the tampon set, you put your foot on the wall, and push the tampon inside of you…”

I am telling you, honest to God, it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever witnessed.

And, he was dead serious.  He was not laughing at all.

I just don’t think he’d ever thought about it.  Why would he?  It’s one of those things that I think never once crosses a guy’s mind, so it would make sense that they have no idea that it’s totally unnecessary to get totally naked just to insert a tampon.  Or, that we don’t actually take the entire box into the stall with us…and, then proceed to read the directions to make sure we’re doing it right.

The foot on the wall, though?  That was gold.

I just think that tampon stories are actually hysterical.

Like, a friend of mine told me the story about the first time she ever used a tampon after having used maxi pads for the first year of getting her period.  She said that no one ever explained it to her; her mom and friends all assumed that she just knew what to do with it.  A series of circumstances later, her mom and friends realized that she was using the tampon the same way that you use a maxi pad: she was laying the tampon in her underwear the way you lay a pad in them.  That’s it.  There was no inserting of anything into anything.  She was “changing her tampon”, like, every 30 minutes.

I, literally, have 20 other stories that I think are hysterical, but I’m not sure other people would find funny so much as just gross and disgusting…so, I’ll stop there.

But, ‘take all of your clothes off’?  If you don’t think that’s funny, you’ve got problems.