On Wednesday night, we lifted the weeknight television ban that we hold to in our home since Thanksgiving was the next day and it was, basically, like a weekend night…which is when we allow the tv to go on.
Against my wishes, the movie that was chosen for “family movie night” was The Bourne Identity…which is not at all the movie I would’ve chosen if I weren’t in lockdown in the kitchen making cauliflower rice and a kale salad for my Thanksgiving contribution at The Lorion’s.
Obviously, it’s not an acceptable choice for children, particularly under the age of 6. But, it’s also the exact kind of movie that I can almost guarantee you will launch me directly into a string of terrible nightmares all night.
Which is precisely what happened.
It all started with a dream where I was being chased by some crew of bad guys that wanted to kill me. Yeah, almost exactly like in The Bourne Identity. I was hiding out in some sort of shack or cabin in the middle of nowhere in the woods, snow covering the land surrounding it, and no where nearby to run to safety. I can see the bad guys making their way up to my shelter, I hear them enter the house, and I have to figure out how to hide somewhere inside where they can’t see or hear me. It’s so quiet, though, that I have to even be so careful to not breathe too loud or I’ll be killed. I find a stair, lift the board up off of it, wedge my body underneath it, replace the board back above me…and, pray that I’m not found.
That’s when I woke up.
That’s one of those situations that I think about all of the time, imagining it being one of the worst ways to live your life: in a constant state of running from people that are trying to capture or kill or hurt you or someone you love in some way. Just always being on the run. That would be horrible.
Then, I go back to sleep and have one of my awful, terrible recurring irrational nightmares: Ben and I break up and he leaves me for another woman. Except this time it was one of those dreams that felt super real, like you could really feel what it would be like to go through something like that. Oh, and…wait for it…this time, he was leaving me for one of my very good friends, Krystle.
Sorry, girl. Nothing against you, but you were marrying Ben. So, I wasn’t happy with you.
I couldn’t believe that Krystle would do something like that to me, being that we’re such good friends and knowing that we have so many mutual friends and that we would end up being around each other all the time still…just, now she would be with Ben…and, I wouldn’t.
Oh, and Ben and I still had Bode and Harley Love as our kids together. Which, when we had Bode I remember thinking to myself…and, telling Ben…that at least then I knew that, no matter what, we would always be connected to one another. Even if he left me some day, we would still have to be close because we would have kids together.
I know, it’s sooo ridiculous, but I’m broken goods. It’s just who I am.
Anyway, it was awful. And, I’m telling you, it was one of those dreams that you wake up from and you almost can’t pull yourself out of the dream because it felt so real.
So, when I did realize that I was just dreaming, I WAS SOOOOO HAPPY. I was so relieved that Ben was laying there next to me, in our bed, still happily married to me, and we were still in love.
And, the best part of the whole thing is that this is my reality. I’m just a girl who is living out her dream, but happens to have bad dreams sometimes.
When I told Ben about all of this that next morning…which was perfect because it was Thanksgiving and the whole thing just fit perfectly…he told me about how he heard somewhere that it’s good to get in the habit of watching sad movies sometimes because you’re able to get a glimpse into how hard peoples lives can be, like you can almost get a feel for what that experience is like, but you don’t have to live that life.
That’s what bad dreams do for me, I guess. They give me such a good perspective on how lucky I am by seeing how bad my life could be.
So, I guess I like nightmares and sad movies.
Oh, and Krystle, I like you again.
We good 😉