I caught myself praying this morning.
Now, I know our Elf On The Shelf’s name is Jesus, but that is very misleading because we are not religious. Like, at all. Like, we’re pretty sure Jonah isn’t even baptized.
I say that because we’re pretty sure my mother, who was studying to become a nun before she met my father in the Philippines, secretly got him baptized one day when she was babysitting. We kept a closer watch on Bode and Harley Love, so we’re pretty sure she never got to them.
Ben and I would consider our family to be more “spiritual” than “religious”. Without getting too deep into a debate over religion, the point I’m trying to make is the fact that I caught myself praying is sort of interesting to me.
It wasn’t what I sat down to do, and I didn’t think of it as me talking or reaching out to a God-like being. It was more like I was trying to send out positive energy into the universe for friends that just had a very premature baby, trying to keep an open mind about the possibility of those sorts of vibrations having real potential to make an impact. I’ve never done that before, and it wasn’t sparked by something I heard or read somewhere. It just started happening.
It’s funny to me because I meditate often, sometimes many times a day. And, I find the whole idea of praying to sometimes be similar to meditation. I used to pray when I was little, and I remember doing a lot of asking for things: asking for my father’s plane to arrive safely, my grandparents to not get cancer, and for whatever I was hoping for at the time (making the varsity cheerleading squad, getting into college, some boy to ask me to be his girlfriend).
My daily meditations are more about being grateful for things, digging up the roots of my insecurities, and trying to figure out the myriad ways my ego tries to hijack my true self.
But, this was different. This was me outright asking for this baby to be safe, and his parents to not suffer, etc. This was me asking for things. This was me praying.
The difference between the two, however, is that I used to pray to a God. This time, I was praying to the universe, the energy field that I do believe exists, and the conscience of humanity that I also believe is feeling these vibrations that we offer up in so many different ways.
So, I do believe. And, I guess I do pray. And, I do think I have faith.