Ben and I were driving somewhere with Maya the other day when we overheard her on the phone with someone. It wasn’t a big deal, but there was some sort of disagreement between the two of them.
After a couple minutes of the conversation going back and forth, and not in a yelling sort of way…just more of a talking out a differences sort of way…we hear Maya say, “Ok, I’m sorry.” Again, in a very genuine “I’m taking ownership of this regardless of whether I think you’re right or wrong” sort of way. After she hung up, we asked her if everything was OK, she simply said, “Yeah, it’s fine.” Not in a frustrated, I can’t believe that person sort of way…just a matter of factly sort of way so as to assure you that everything really was fine and that there was nothing to talk about.
I’m not sure I’m describing the way this whole conversation went down as well as I’d like, but the point here is that it was one of the most defining points in recent time about just how mature this “child” of ours is.
I mean, think about how many times someone has called you out on something and you can’t even wait to find someone to bitch to about it. Or, all of the arguments you’ve gotten into that you can’t control your emotions and you end up in a yelling match blaming other people for things going wrong or getting defensive because “it wasn’t you”.
The way Maya handled this whole situation was pretty much textbook for how we all want to act when we catch ourselves caught in this sort of mess, but end up flying off the handle because…well, because we’re not Maya.
Since that day, I’ve already had plenty of times where I have to catch myself because I feel myself slipping into that angry, defensive place. And, honestly, what I’ve been doing lately is this: I take a deep belly breath, and just say to myself…or, sometimes out loud…”Just BE MAYA.”
It works. Try it.
It’s a little ridiculous that I’m the child’s mother and I’m trying to be more like her, and she’s that “terrible 16 year old age”…but, it works.
Just. Be. Maya.