I’ve been on Jonah’s case about not being so nervous when it comes to having uncomfortable conversations: with people when you disagree about how something should be done, when you feel an argument coming on, when you feel like someone did something to you that they shouldn’t have, etc.
Look, he’s 12. He’s about to start middle school. I don’t expect him to be able to address people like an experienced attorney, but I do think it’s time for him to stop avoiding awkward and uncomfortable conversations just so he can keep the peace.
Jonah’s not even a grudge holder, either. He somehow dodged that Filipino trait that I’ve been aggressively trying to suppress since I was a child. So, even if he feels like someone treated him wrongly, he will just take it and walk away quietly, never to address the whole thing ever again.
It’s sort of adorable, but also sort of sad. And, heading into his teenage years, I think it’s the sort of trait that could turn him into a target for kids that are not like him.
Simultaneously, though, I’ve been thinking a lot about how sometimes, for some people, it’s better to just blow off steam. I don’t mean by slamming doors and driving your car around town like a bat out of hell. Rather, in a more appropriate and productive way like disappearing and folding laundry while listening to country music or doing your nails on your bathroom floor for an hour.
I’m that person. I’m that girl that has a tendency to overreact and walk around for hours enraged over things that my husband doesn’t even know had any effect on me whatsoever. If I forced talks on Ben every time I had something going on in my brain that I wanted to “talk through” with him, he would leave me. And, I couldn’t blame him.
So, instead, I fold laundry and do my nails.
It’s a tough call, though. Because you can’t just blow off steam all of the time. There are definitely situations that call for a “we need to talk” moment. And, there are also times when bringing it all up does more worse than good.
I wish I had one of those little life manuals written by someone who’s figured out relationships…except, I know that person doesn’t exist because if someone’s walking around claiming to have “figured it out”, they would by definition be the exact opposite of someone who’s, in fact, “figured it out”.
This is one of those useless posts, I guess, where it’s almost like my ultimate goal is to just get people totally amped up and frustrated over scenarios that have no answer.
Yeah, so sorry ’bout that. But, I’m going to go start a pedicure.