Well, tomorrow’s the day. My rotator cuff surgery is scheduled for 2pm, with a 12:30pm arrival at Newton-Wellesley Hospital. Ben’s spending the day there with me, while his mom offered to pick up the kids from school and stay the night with us to help take care of them…so, he can take care of me. Since I don’t need to be there until so late, I actually get to have a normal morning: get the kids to school, go to the gym to take Ben’s class, maybe run an errand, go home and shower, and then head to the hospital.
I was sort of bummed when I heard I was scheduled so much later than I usually am, but this is actually way better than an early start, even if it does mean I can’t eat anything from midnight until after the surgery. Since I don’t like eating anyway, this is sort of awesome. The only thing I will miss is my coffee with cream and a little flavored creamer. I’m going to do some black coffee since I can take clear liquids until 4 hours before the surgery begins, but I’m not exactly looking forward to that.
I’ve had Sean Rockett as my surgeon most recently for both of my knees, but I forgot how comforting it is being such close friends with the man that’s going to cut you open. Despite the unusually rare high number of surgeries I’ve had in the last few years, I still get incredibly nervous, anxious, and sad right around the time of the surgery day. It’s sort of an emotional thing for me for some reason, and it doesn’t really make any sense that I feel like that.
But, when I’m laying in that pre-0p room, with my gown on and all of these strangers coming in and out asking me a million questions and making me even more anxious and overwhelmed than I already was before I walked in, there is nothing quite like the feeling when the curtain opens up and I see Sean’s face there with some goofy look and a wise crack about how I ended up there in there or something.
Because I would guess it’s the exact opposite reaction I’d have if it were a surgeon that I barely knew; I’m assuming that if this were the case, I would feel even more nervous when the doctor showed up than I was laying there helplessly before he or she came in.
There really are so many good angles on this whole situation, even though I’ve been spending the last few weeks in a borderline depression trying to process the whole thing.
The number 1 most important good thing of all of this is that I have an incredible support system. I’ve got an amazing surgeon that I trust and respect more than any other in the world. I’ve got a family that is super supportive and makes me feel like no matter what happens over the next 8 months, they’re there for me and will help me figure this all out. And, I’ve got the most generous, loving friends I could ever wish for that genuinely make me feel comfortable asking them for help.
And, especially after training way harder than I ever thought we would down in Miami, my shoulder is really pretty uncomfortable. All of the time right now. So, I sort of can’t wait to have the procedure done so I can just feel like I’m finally moving forward and getting back to being pain free.
Finally, one of the most surprising good things that has come of this is my awareness of how much I love so many things in my life. I’ve gained perspective through all of this and am slowly realizing, even more than I already did, that I am surrounded by so many things that genuinely make my every day full of love and happiness.
I hug my kids right now and realize just how much I will miss being able to do this for the next few months.
I tie my shoes, eat with a fork, and get to draw and do chalkboard art constantly and know how much I will want to get back to doing this as soon as possible.
I swam in the ocean, threw the football around with Ben, and danced all weekend, knowing I won’t be able to do any of those things like that for almost 6 months or more.
I sleep on my right side, put my clothes on and take them off comfortably, and wrap my arms around Ben while we fall asleep together at night wondering when I can do anything like that again.
The list is almost endless, and I’ve noticed it more and more every day over the last week or so.
My life isn’t going to miserable, by any means. It’s just a bump in the road, but it will create so many new opportunities for me, it will get me back to really good health, and I will come back being more grateful than ever.
Let’s do this, Sean.