Oh my God, you guys. I WISH you were there to witness the scene in our driveway this morning when the storm hit.
I went out at 5am with Ben as he was leaving for the airport so I could clear off Maya’s car in the driveway and pull it into his spot in the garage. Now, she drives a tiny little VW with tires that aren’t great in the snow. So, when I tried to move her car in the unplowed driveway, it just spun sideways…and, wouldn’t move an inch after that.
Her car was, literally, sideways in our driveway. It looked SO ridiculous.
I seriously wonder what our neighbors think about us. We are constantly pulling stuff like this over there.
Our fire alarm goes off every time I cook, which breaks down to about once or twice a week. But, every window and door downstairs is propped wide open for 10-20 minutes, everyone’s crying, we have yet to figure out how to turn the alarm off in under 5 minutes so it’s just blaring through our neighborhood. It’s, actually, like something wrong with us.
I have, like, 10 other examples just like that…but, I’ll spare you the repetitiveness of the whole thing.
Back to Maya’s car. It’s 5am and her car is just sideways and no one’s around to help push it out of it’s spot, so I just leave it there, close the garage doors, and carry on inside.
So, now her car is even more snowed into it’s little spot on the driveway and we’re just pulling our act together to get out there are fix what I’ve done.
For those of you out there who’ve gotten the impression that Maya is larger than life, can do no wrong, or is perfect…here’s a perfect example, albeit very rare, of her acting her true age of 17.
She’s sitting at the kitchen table after getting up at 9, which in my eyes may as well be 2pm, watching a recording of her last basketball game that she tells me at that moment is her 25th time watching it.
“Girl, the kids just went out to play in the snow. I need your help getting your car in the garage. We should go do this now while they’re out there.”
“Ok. Be right there.”
I proceed to get my snow gear on so I can also start snow blowing us out of the 8 inches of snow that dropped on us overnight.
5 minutes later…
“My, I need your help getting your car out of the snow. We gotta’ go.”
“Ok. Be right there.”
She proceeds to watch her 25th viewing of her game from Sunday.
5 minutes later…
“MY, WE REALLY NEED TO GET OUT THERE NOW. WE ALSO HAVE TO DO THE WHOLE DRIVEWAY AND FRONT WALK.”
“OK. Be right there.”
Still watching her little game.
“FINE. I’LL START BY MYSELF.”
“OK, MOM. I’LL BE RIGHT THERE.”
Guess what she kept doing.
I’m outside getting started on the car when she rolls out about 5 minutes later.
So, I’m in the driver’s seat, she’s pushing, we’re trying to rock it back and forth to get some momentum. Nothing. So, we start trying to dig out around the tires. Back in the car, she starts pushing…this whole process goes on for about 5-10 minutes with little progress made.
Finally, I’m in the car trying to gun it out of the whole it’s stuck in and you’ll NEVER believe what comes on the radio.
TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART.
Now, I’ve got this song on as high as it goes, windows down, and I’m belting every single lyric to that song like I’ve heard it more recently than at some point in high school…25 years ago.
This was all I needed to make some real magic happen. I threw my fist up in the air through the window and, at the top of my lungs, dug into the ever-powerful chorus, “I REALLY NEED YOU TONIGHT! FOREVER’S GONNA’ START TONIGHT! FOREVER’S GONNA’ START TONIGHT!” As far as I was concerned, I had a full orchestra …including a full drum set…in my front yard. This was it: I was going to just use the music and go for it.
And, IT WORKED. IT REALLY WORKED!
I cruised smoothly into Ben’s space in the garage just as the song was simmering down to a close…and, the world was right again.
Until the very moment I turned off the car and Maya starts to take off to go inside.
“Aren’t you going to help me with the snow???”
“Mom, I have homework!”
“My, I JUST HAD SHOULDER SURGERY 3 MONTHS AGO!”
“WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO DO MY HOMEWORK?”
Wouldn’t you know that 10 minutes later, as I’m trying to get the snow blower started, I hear her inside and look over to see her FaceTiming one of her friends.
Fast forward to 90 minutes later after I’ve snow blowed the entire driveway, the front walk, and I am 2 stairs short of finishing the front steps…and, Maya opens the front door.
“Mom, do you want me to do the rest for you?”
“OH MY GOD, YOU ARE F’ING WITH ME. RIGHT?”
“Oh, nothing. Go put your feet up. I’ll finish ‘the rest’.”
Ummm, YEAH, I’m sure.