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My Scared Phase

posted by Heather October 12, 2016 0 comments

I hate to say it like this, but I am KILLING my To-Do list. Kicked off the day going to the bank to deposit the kids’ money from home into their bank accounts. There was a LOT of coins involved. Bode and Love get fired up about going to the bank because they have a snack area where they can pick out a granola bar. Fine, anything to make the trip to the bank more appealing.


Lady Gaga now wears a tutu at all times. And, Love picked out her Reebok Pumps that Miss Katrin gave her for Christmas last year.


Bode is in this awesome phase of wanting to train with me. Today, we did Ab Mat sit-ups, he swung on the rings, he tried to do hip extensions with me, and I think I remember him doing something with a PVC pipe while I was working on bicep curls and kick-backs. Not sure we got super-fit, but it was super-fun.


Biggest backpack on a 4-year old body that I have ever laid eyes on.


I FINALLY rallied and took Love with me to upgrade my phone since it’s been close to a year that I haven’t been able to actually talk or hear anyone on it unless I (a) used headphones, (b) used the speaker, (c) or, used the Bluetooth in my car. A. YEARRRR. Which is sort of fine because I don’t really like talking on the phone unless it’s while I’m driving and don’t have something on Spotify that I’m dying to listen to…which is almost never. So, this is really not all that big of a deal except for the 30 seconds a day that all the stars align and I actually want to talk to someone on the phone.

I’m officially in one of my phases again where I am terrified of bad things happening to the people I love.  And, I don’t mean the normal stuff like when friends go away on bachelor party trips or when someone goes to get screened for a cancerous spot that they’re worried about.

I mean things like obsessing over the hurricane and any of my friends that were south of New Jersey last week, like Jill and Katrin.  Or, hearing an awful story about someone close to us getting into a terrible car accident yesterday and almost to scared to get in a car myself and drive anywhere.

I mean like the scene in front of our house yesterday when I tried to chase after…on foot…days after knee surgery…the teenagers at the end of our road that drive too fast and are going to hurt someone someday…yelling as loud as I could to try and catch them before they drove off again.  And, then finally crying all the way to Nobles because I was so terrified of what could happen to my kids if they keep doing it.

It’s fine.  I’ll get over wanting to just lock everyone into our house and not let them leave the safety of our property ever again.  But, it’s just one of those periods of times when I know it’s all in my head, it’s mentally exhausting, I can’t sleep for more than about 45 minutes at a time, I look like hell because of all of it…but, I can’t stop myself.

Maybe it’s just a Mom thing.  Maybe all Mom’s go through this as regularly as I do.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s all just sub-consciously surfacing because of things like Casey’s anniversary or because of something that happened in the news that makes me focus on all of the things around me that could go wrong.  You know, like I just start looking for danger when it’s actually around me all of the time but I don’t usually notice it.

I think this is just what I’d be like…all the time…if I didn’t train every day like I usually do: I’d think too much.  And, me “thinking” a lot is, in and of itself, dangerous.

5 more days until I can start sweating again.  So, we all just need to hang tight for a little while longer.

It’s going to be just fiiiiine.

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