I’m officially in one of my phases again where I am terrified of bad things happening to the people I love. And, I don’t mean the normal stuff like when friends go away on bachelor party trips or when someone goes to get screened for a cancerous spot that they’re worried about.
I mean things like obsessing over the hurricane and any of my friends that were south of New Jersey last week, like Jill and Katrin. Or, hearing an awful story about someone close to us getting into a terrible car accident yesterday and almost to scared to get in a car myself and drive anywhere.
I mean like the scene in front of our house yesterday when I tried to chase after…on foot…days after knee surgery…the teenagers at the end of our road that drive too fast and are going to hurt someone someday…yelling as loud as I could to try and catch them before they drove off again. And, then finally crying all the way to Nobles because I was so terrified of what could happen to my kids if they keep doing it.
It’s fine. I’ll get over wanting to just lock everyone into our house and not let them leave the safety of our property ever again. But, it’s just one of those periods of times when I know it’s all in my head, it’s mentally exhausting, I can’t sleep for more than about 45 minutes at a time, I look like hell because of all of it…but, I can’t stop myself.
Maybe it’s just a Mom thing. Maybe all Mom’s go through this as regularly as I do.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s all just sub-consciously surfacing because of things like Casey’s anniversary or because of something that happened in the news that makes me focus on all of the things around me that could go wrong. You know, like I just start looking for danger when it’s actually around me all of the time but I don’t usually notice it.
I think this is just what I’d be like…all the time…if I didn’t train every day like I usually do: I’d think too much. And, me “thinking” a lot is, in and of itself, dangerous.
5 more days until I can start sweating again. So, we all just need to hang tight for a little while longer.
It’s going to be just fiiiiine.