Team Bergeron

Potty Talk

posted by Heather April 21, 2018 0 comments

The scene when the topic of this blog post went down at dinner.

My parents are ON BOARD.

Then, true story, says, “I hope I still fit into my prom dress after this.”

Says, “TAKE A PICTURE OF MEEE!!” And then, hides.

Then, continues to lose his mind because HL agreed to smile for a photo. Basically, strangled her right after I took this.

I sometimes secretly wish that I could install a camera over our dinner table without anyone in the family knowing it’s there because the conversations are so off the rail that it’s just too hard to try and replicate all of the content that gets tossed around.

This time it 100% potty talk.

Like, we hit every topic revolving around bathroom issues you could think of.

I think it’s because, for some reason, both of our little kids are in that phase when they will randomly, throughout the course of the day, announce to the general public that they “HAVE TO GO POOPY” or “HAVE TO PEEEE” in a way that it’s obvious they’ve completely neglected all bodily signals that the they will be needing to relieve themselves in, I don’t know, the next 10-15 minutes or so.  They are, literally, waiting for the last possible nano second when they’re on the verge of having a full blown accident until they’re willing to surrender to taking a break from what they’re doing to go to the bathroom.

And, God forbid they do it quietly and without drawing attention to themselves.

Even if they’re in the middle of the Whole Foods hot bar area.

We got to talking about how now that Bode is having so many playdates with friends at their houses, I’m a little paranoid that other parents are becoming suspect to the fact that we’ve entirely dropped the ball on all forms of etiquette and manners…aside from please’s and thank you’s and excuse me’s, which our kids are totally BOSS at.

Truth be told, our kids need some serious training with taking their shoes off when they enter someone’s home, washing their hands after the go to the bathroom, and the boys (except Jonah, he’s fine) putting the toilet seat down when they’re done peeing.

That was the point in the conversation when we went down the rabbit hole of whether guys should have to put the seat down after they’re done, or if they should be able to just leave it up after, or if girls should have to put the seat up, or if everyone should just have to close the lid so everyone’s doing the same amount of work.

For zero good reasons, I feel like guys should put the seat down.  But, I’m not sure why I think that’s polite…I just do.  Which I recognize is not fair, but subconsciously I question a guy’s etiquette when I walk into a bathroom after him and he didn’t lower the seat.  I know, unfair.  It’s just a thought that I’m not controlling well yet.  I, of course, am then thinking that I need to get Bode in the habit of putting the seat down so other parents don’t think of him poorly.

I will say, though, I have…on many occasions…gotten up in the middle of the night to pee and…true story…fallen into the toilet because someone who shares the master bathroom with me is one of “those guys”.

Again, my own fault for not being nocturnal, but I can’t see in the dark and my brain isn’t smart enough at 2am to think about whether the seat is up or down.  And, the few times that I actually think about whether it’s up or down I, then, need to start feeling around to see if the seat is up and my hand is, essentially, wiping up all of the funk that’s overing the boy rim of the seat.  Which is so heinous it’s making me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

This was about the point in the conversation that someone at the table admitted that they pee standing with THE SEAT DOWN.  I, literally, almost got up and went for a walk to calm myself down.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T LIFT THE SEAT WHEN YOU PEE STANDING?  So, your pee is spraying all over the seat that everyone is sitting on?  That’s just FOUL.

And, I am done.  I can’t even believe I’ve gone this far.

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