I’m not going to lie, I sometimes catch myself trying to “hide” things.
Sometimes it’s as trivial as snacking on tortilla chips when I hear Ben go upstairs, or sneaking a spiked seltzer in the outdoor shower with me at 4pm.
Other times, it’s more like acting as if everything is fine when the truth is I’m in a bad place with Ben, or my parents, or my in-laws.
Regardless of the depth and breadth of whatever secret I’m trying to cover up from people, I try to remember this simple truth: if I’m trying to hide it, it’s probably not good. And, bad things need to be dealt with, changed, or just put to an end without delay.
It’s not always the case that I need to have a big sit down conversation with someone, because more often I just need to make an honest shift in my perspective on something. But, continuing to try and hide things is never the answer.
Because we all know the sheer weight of the anxiety and energy required to keep that secret a secret is far heavier than just gathering the courage to deal with it and move on.
The double-edged sword of all of this is the fact that (1) people are not as blind as we think they are, (2) secrets multiply uncontrollably, and (3) a life lived with secrets crashes way harder than a life lived in transparency that just happens to experience any level of tragedy.
Whether people know exactly what you’re hiding or not, they know that you’re not being honest. And, dishonest people cannot ever be fully trusted by anyone: friends, family, acquaintances, total strangers, etc.
Secrets snowball into more secrets that, inevitably, require more secrets to cover up the others. Before you know it, YOU can’t even tell what your truth is.
And, as appealing as it may seem to want to appear as perfect as we can, what will always trump the look of perfection…is one of truthful imperfection.