The Naughty Life

“Stray” Crotch Hairs

posted by Heather August 27, 2016 1 Comment
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Went down to our neighbor’s for a glass of wine tonight. Came home to this 🙂

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Our little Tessy is leaving for college tomorrow. There’s nothing like the goodbye hug between two friends when one of them is leaving for college for the first time. We love you, girl. We’ll be counting the days until you come home to visit for the first time 🙂

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And, the lead-up to the goodbye.

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Safety first.

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Love does CrossOver Symmetry.

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I NEED TO MEET LAUREN AKINS. THIS COULD BE MY CHANCE.

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They finally waved to him 🙂

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You listen to me, MyFitnessPal. Rachel and I were friends long before you “declared” us friends.

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Our favorite read these days. This book was given to Maya and Jonah by Bill Bussey over at Nobles when they were babies. Now, Love is obsessed with it. So special.

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Every day. Rinse. Wash. Repeat. So easy.

This is one of those horrific things that I’m pretty sure happens to most people with long hair.  However, if it doesn’t, I’m just kidding because it’s gross and I don’t want you to think it happens to me unless it happens to you, too.

Here’s the scenario: you take a shower and wash your hair after not washing it for a couple days (because that’s what EC tells me is good for my hair, not because I’m creepy and dirty).  For some reason, when I do this, that’s when I shed the most.  I honestly feel like I’m going to come out of the shower bald because there’s a massive hair ball sitting on top of the shower drain.

The grossest, though, is when I try to “do the right thing” and gather the hair and put it somewhere so I remember to put it in the garbage when I get out of the shower, but then forget that I stuck it on the glass door as my “reminder”.

As I sit here writing this, I’m realizing that this is exactly what I did yesterday and I have no recollection of putting it in the trash.  Obviously, this means that it’s likely still somewhere up there in our bathroom.  Maybe it’s still in the shower, maybe it’s on the ground somewhere, hopefully I threw it out and I just don’t remember, and more-than-hopefully Ben did not find it and dealt with it himself.

That would, literally, be one of Ben’s worst nightmares come true.  Like, he’d have trouble looking me in the eyes the next time he saw me, let alone ever be intimate with me again.  But, that doesn’t appear to be what’s going on, so I think I’m in the clear.  For now.

I haven’t even gotten to the worst part of this scenario, though.

So, where I was really going with this story, has to do with when you get out of the shower after having washed it for the first time in a couple of days.

You get out, start drying off your body parts…that sounds weird for some reason…when suddenly, you feel that God-awful feeling that you’ve got a stray hair hanging for dear life somewhere on your body.

I get these all the time when I train.  It makes me crazy.  Like, crazy like I can’t think straight and my heart starts racing because I keep trying to get it off my back but I can’t find it and I’m getting winded because of the hair and not so much because I’m exercising at high intensity.

But, this one’s hands down the worst stray hair feeling: the one when you feel it hanging down from your bad spot.

When you have a stray hair hanging down from your crotch, there is what feels like a wrinkle in time when you feel like there is a small chance that the stray hair is not, in fact, stray.

That is one of my worst nightmares.  There are few things worse than the thought that you have a hair as long as the long hair on your head that is actually attached to your body.  The thought that that hair has actually been neglected from any and all hair removal attempts over the course of what would amount to years, is traumatizing.

I understand that it would be almost impossible, but for some reason, the thought always unfortunately crosses my mind.

But, like I said, if that’s never happened to you, I’m just kidding about the entire thing.

 

1 Comment

Karen August 27, 2016 at 12:03 pm

there is a little farting dog that goes with the book!! You NEED it!

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