I had one of those rare moments the other night when one of your kids says something so genuinely nice that you need to document it somehow so you never forget about it. It wasn’t a huge spectacle or anything, but that’s what was so nice about it.
We had just put both little kids to bed for the night when fireworks started going off on a beach nearby. It was loud enough that it must’ve really scared Baby Love because she started screaming.
It was the sort of screaming when you can tell that your child is terrified and not just upset or cranky. It’s the kind of cry that hurts your own heart and soul because you feel so bad for the child.
When I finally got to hold her, I held and rocked her for a lot longer than normal. I wanted to make sure she felt safe and was fully calmed down again before I even thought about walking her back into her room where she had gotten scared in the first place.
We eventually made it back to her room, and I held and rocked her even more. She slowly started to lay her little head in my neck and the whimpering stopped. Jonah snuck into the room, gave her a kiss on her back, and laid on the bottom bunk just watching us.
After another while longer, I felt like it was safe to try and lay her down. Jonah had quietly left the room again and things seemed settled. I moved forward with caution, assuming that she just may not be ready yet and bracing for another panic attack…but, she laid right down, still comforting herself by sucking her 3 fingers, and gave me the reassuring wave goodbye to let me know that she was all better.
The whole thing couldn’t have gone better.
Except that it did get better.
I walked quietly out of the room, gently closed the door most of the way, and turned into Jonah who was waiting for me in the hallway.
He immediately wrapped his arms around me, dug his little head into me, and I heard him say, “You’re such a good mom.”
I hugged him even tighter, wishing I had some sort of super power to never forget that moment and the way he made me feel, and just said, “Thank you so much, Jonah.”
And, I held back tears. You know, the sort of tears that build gradually over time as you start to feel like you’re doing some things right in life. Not everything, but some. Like, the important ones.