The Naughty Life

The ‘Ole Nipple Check

posted by Heather February 28, 2019 0 comments
When Bode wakes up in the morning and I don’t exist because Ben is still home.
My Mom Squad.
Mismatched Sock Day ๐Ÿ™‚
OH. MY. GOD. When I got home from the gym and eventually went up to shower, I walked in and found my unused toothbrush with the toothpaste on it from THE MORNING. That’s correct: I had forgotten to brush my teeth. Walked around all morning like that. And, had NO idea. I am disgusting.
Made Maya and her teammates a gallon of hot chocolate.
Snow ball pushes ๐Ÿ™‚
HUGE bag of snacks for the team ๐Ÿ™‚
Maya and her roommate, Amy.
SO sad saying goodbye to them. But, we’ll see them at UMass on Saturday.
Jonah got back at the recording studio with Chaddy again tonight.
Was unpacking Bode’s backpack that I handed down to him when I got a new, identical one. When I was pulling stuff out, I found a pocket I must’ve forgotten was there..with $260 CASH in it. WHAT? I have NO idea where it came from, but I must’ve left it there by accident, and he’s been walking around with it in there for WEEKS. Jonah, then, spent about a half hour folding the bills so the faces had no eyes. Just “for fun”.

In the CFNE locker room, there is this wonderfully huge wall mirror that is, somehow, the first and last thing you…well, at least I…look at when I’m in that room. But, it sadly got moved to a far less prominent spot that has sort of ruined my locker room routine.

It’s not that I can’t wait to look at myself every chance I can, but it is. But, it’s not because I love what I see. Ask anyone I’m close to: I have self-image issues that professional therapists haven’t been able to help me improve on. So, while I’m usually horrified at what I see in my reflection, I like to take advantage of the opportunity to do a once over scan to make sure everything’s where it should be.

You know, there are a lot of things that can go wrong: articles of clothing are unintentionally asymmetrical, your messy bun doesn’t look as “fashionably messy” as it does “filthy rabid squirrel got in there”, or you’re wearing a lovely flowy sun dress…but, the bottom of it has gotten caught in the top of your thong.

You know, things that you just wouldn’t know about if you didn’t seek out a quickie reflection check whenever the opportunity arises.

I will say the one thing that I do like to stay on top of is this: the direction my nipples are pointing. Because when those things go rogue, I don’t know how anyone is able to focus when I’m talking to them.

It’s just like, what’s up? I mean, I think they’re the same size. I think everything’s even Steven left to right. But, man do they act like positive on positive magnets sometimes; like, they’re just pointing in totally opposite directions like they can’t even stand the sight of each other. Or, they’re both way outside…or, way far down…or, way up…or, worst case scenario…they’re pointing up.

Do you see what I mean? I just want to make sure stuff’s where it should be. And, not where it shouldn’t.

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