I think one of the worst feelings of all time is being unwanted.
I’m not generally a needy sort of person; it’s very rare that I feel unwelcome or like someone is annoyed with my overall presence. So, when I do feel like that…particularly, when it’s someone close to me or someone I’m related to…I find it really both hurtful and hard to forget.
It’s such a bad feeling to me, the feeling that someone who loves you is wondering how soon they’ll get a break from you, that it actually starts making me question 2 things: just how much that person actually loves you, and how much you should allow yourself to care about that person moving forward.
I’m sorry. I try to never talk about sad things on this blog, but sometimes things like this happen and I have to figure out how to learn something from it so that I can make sure I never let someone feel that way because of the way I was behaving.
I almost like the feeling of living through things like this just so that I can know, firsthand, how awful it feels…so that I can be that much more aware of how deeply my actions can affect the people around me.
Because, things like this aren’t always intentional, right? It’s not always the case that someone doesn’t actually want you around anymore or wishes you would just disappear for a while. Sometimes it just seems like that because they’re tired or had a bad day or are just being lazy for whatever reason.
I will fully admit that I am guilty of this from time to time. Sometimes we have people visiting from out of town and I may come across as being rushed or overwhelmed. Sometimes I’m just having “a day” (code for “a few days) and the only person I feel like I can be crabby around is Ben or my parents or one of the older kids. And, sometimes I…and, this is the one I truly hate admitting to…am just being lazy about remembering how important it is to let people always know how grateful and lucky I am to have them in my life whether it’s physically in my presence or just even through a phone call.
For me, it always comes back to that sort of cliché saying: you should treat people the way you would if you knew that was the last time you would ever get to see them again.
Not just because you never know what will happen, but because it’s just how you should treat the people that mean the most to you on an all-the-time basis.
Because you are lucky to have them in your life.