Decided on a vacation recap since I neglected to write barely a single word for a week: luckily, my phone has the capacity to hold my current grand total of 38,930 photos and I can squeak by with killing two birds with one stone by taking a bazillion photos and being able to still post something every day…and, not be that parent on their computer for hours a day while on a family vacation.
Well, good thing I’m still really good at pulling together an obnoxiously long run-on sentence.
Because I’m the type of housewife that’s really good at spending a lot of my husband’s hard-earned money on a daily basis but insist on scoring the dirt-cheapest airfare I can possibly find, I flew myself and our 4 kids out of Boston on a 10pm flight that landed in Fort Meyers at 2am. In the morning. That translates very clearly into a guaranteed meltdown at some point for either or both of the children under the age of 6.
When we arrived, I had lined up a car service to pick us up…but, it wasn’t what I would call a “well-researched” company. So, I spent the entire 45 minute ride to Ben’s dad’s place just praying that we would all arrive safely. Which was harder than it sounds given the fact that we had one of the more miserable human beings driving us there.
For starters, he texted me when our flight arrived asking me to call him when we were ready as he may fall asleep in the parking lot. That translates into my brain at 2am as our driver being overtired so much that he can’t stay awake when he’s supposed to be ready for our pick up.
When he picked us up, I tried to get a read on how awake he was by making small talk.
“So, you must drive a lot, huh?”
“About 250 miles a day.”
“Wow! You must love driving if you do it that much!”
“I HATE IT. But, it pays the bills. Just trying to get through every day like everyone else.”
Like who else?
“Have you lived here your whole life?”
“40 years. Grew up in Detroit.”
“That’s great! But, do you have any family here or are they all back in Detroit?”
“I have a brother here, but family doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is your spouse. Your family’s not going to be there for you forever, only your spouse will. That’s all that you’ve got in this life.”
Now, I’ve got to deal with continuing this conversation for the full 45 minutes because I’m worried that if I don’t, he’ll start getting sleepy and I’ll have to deal with that…which is a far more pressing issue than having to speak to a miserable person.
We eventually get to the resort where Paul’s condo is and are trying to figure out how to get into the gate that’s closed because it’s the middle of the night.
Bode starts telling me that he doesn’t feel good, but I’m wishing and hoping he’s just feeling incredibly tired.
Until, he throws up as we finally pull onto Paul’s road.
Yes, he vomits in the back seat.
I’m trying to keep my cool and not freak either Bode or the driver out by what’s going on, but am pleasantly surprised that the driver is barely reacting at all.
He seems totally fine with it.
“Oh, I am SO sorry! It’s not that bad and it’s really just some apple. I’ll take care of it as soon as we get out.”
“Oh, don’t worry. It’s fine. I’ll vaccuum it right up later. Not a problem.”
And, now I’m horrified because vomit doesn’t just “vaccuum up”. Anyone who does that to vomit, which I am sure that this isn’t the first incident in his car, is driving passengers around in a car that would light on fire if you took a black light to it.
That was the start of our trip, which actually ended up awesome aside from the fact that Ben’s flight down got cancelled because of the storm in Boston and he never made it to our “family” vacation.
Luckily, every one of our kids are phenomenal. I, honest to God, don’t know how I ended up with 4 kids that all work together so well, so efficiently, laugh so much, and are so polite and caring with each other.
Maya is, arguably, slightly more responsible as a mother than I am. I can’t even stress that enough. But, simultaneously, my very favorite girlfriend to hang out with every day…never ever get sick of her. Incredible.
Jonah has more stamina with children than any elementary school teacher or camp counselor I’ve ever met. He’s ridiculous. Totally clueless and his brain lives on another planet, but I think that’s part of the reason kids love playing with him so much. And, all of his other regular superhuman qualities of never getting mad or upset about anything, being more patient than even Ben is, and just wants to spend all day being creative with cooking and listening to Sam Cooke Live at the Copacabana in NYC.
Bode and Harley Love have their moments, for sure, but they are so good. They are more adorable than any animated cartoon character and adapt like chameleons.
I wish Ben was there, but I loved this trip so much because of how reassuring it was for me to know how great our kids can be about adapting and making the best of anything that happens.