I know I’m not the only one out there that thinks pretty often about the dream of being able to “do it all”.
I want to be a great room parent in Bode’s class. I want to build a really strong community among the parents where they feel like they are truly friends with one another, and care about each other’s families as if they were related, and are excited for the next opportunity to volunteer in the school, and really be able to help the teacher so she can focus more of her energy on caring for all of our children every day.
So, I want to at least keep them connected through emails letting them know where to find ideas for the Disguise A Turkey project that’s due next week. I want to let everyone know that a family in our class just delivered a new baby last week, and I want to send them a nice present to congratulate them. I want to invite them all to our home so they can gather and get to know one another in a setting where they’re not worrying about their kids or trying to sneak over to ask the teacher how they’re child is doing with the alphabet.
I want to volunteer for everything because isn’t that why I thought I needed to stop working and take a break from competing in the first place? So I could have the time to sign up for every opportunity to be in the schools with our kids while they’re still kids?
I want to simplify and gather up outgrown and outdated clothes and toys in our home so we can breathe a little and help out families that need the things that we don’t.
I want to actually catch up on email and address the messages in my Inbox that are still sitting there from the spring and summertime.
I want to stay connected to all of the incredible girlfriends I have and text with them all day and meet them for coffee and lunch and go for walks and really be there for them when they need me, or even when they don’t “need” me…but, just want to be around me.
I want to send Maya care packages at college because I remember how my mom did that for me and how great it would feel and how exciting it was to be the one walking through the halls with a package from home.
I want to at least do the laundry enough so that poor Ben doesn’t have to ask me if he has clean underwear anywhere at 5:30am.
I want to write every day because it feeds my soul and makes me feel like I have a voice and a place in the world outside the walls of our home, which I love and am so grateful for…but, for some reason I crave a little more. And, I feel incredibly guilty admitting to that, but it’s the honest truth.
I want to take the time to drive the 90 minute round trip out to take my nephew out for lunch at college on a random weekday to let him know that I love him and am thinking about him while he’s starting this new, often scary, chapter in his young life.
I want to sit down and bang out some really cool designs for CFNE apparel so that our community has merch that they’re excited about seeing on our walls and wearing around town every day.
I want to have a really nice dinner pulled together for our family every night so that we can live out the dream of everyone sitting at the table, talking about their lives, and laughing and loving their meals and having those moments to reminisce back on years down the road.
I want to build train tracks with Bode and teach him how to shoot hoops. I want to play princess and ponies with Harley Love, and really show her how to dance. And, I want to teach them their letters and how to write their names and read and add numbers together.
I want to listen to all of the music that Jonah makes on his computer, and help him with his homework, and teach him how to make eggs benedict.
I want to be all of these things. I want to do it all.
And, I can.
We all can.
But, not if we aren’t realistic with what we really and truly want.
I think I’m thinking that doing it all, literally, means doing it all. Doing as much as can possibly fit into a day. All of the things. More is more.
But, we all know that more is not more. More is, sometimes, less. And, in this case, I truly believe that’s the case.
Me hosting more and more parties and sending more and more emails is not what I actually want. I want people to connect, but that doesn’t have to be the way it has to happen.
Me making the house spotless and setting the table perfectly and making everyone’s very favorite dish is not what I actually want. I want people to talk and be happy and have something to eat for dinner.
And, I don’t need to establish a full blown home school setting for our young children to be reasonably competent school aged children. I can do some things here and there that will get them headed in the right direction, but I don’t have to magically turn into a kindergarten teacher overnight.
I don’t need to do it all. I just need to do all the things that will make a little bit of a difference every day. I just need to do one thing at a time, and not everything all at one time.
And, I have to have faith that doing less really is getting me closer to doing my “all.”