I think I’m one of many people that finds themselves nervous about “prying into people’s business”.
I’m not talking about my family and close friends. Those people are actually just the opposite; if I feel like something’s wrong or know that they’re going through something, I am borderline too comfortable asking them why they’re acting weird or checking in with them regularly until they’re back up to speed.
Like, Tracy, for example. I haven’t see her a lot lately because of kids being home from school and her starting a new job. So, when I ran into her at CFNE the other day for the first time in months, I felt like she wasn’t as excited as I’d imagined she would be to see me. I, literally, beelined over in the middle of the class that I was teaching, stared her down straight in her eyes as if I were trying to read the pages of her soul, and demanded to know, “Are you OK? I feel like you’re acting weird. Is something wrong?” Luckily, she told me she was totally fine and looked at me like I was a stalker…and, I was satisfied. Case closed.
It’s the people that I don’t already have a “close” relationship with that I don’t know how to handle. You know, I mean even the people that you see on a regular basis, but you stay at a level of conversation where you never talk about anything negative, you always put on a smile and say “I’m GREAT!” when asked how you’re doing…even though you’re really not, and while you might ask them how their partner is doing, you would never really ask them how their relationship is going. Do you see the difference there? “How’s Bill?” is drastically different than, “How are things going with Bill?” Totally, totally different.
It’s always sort of a crap shoot because those are the people that when you do build up the courage to actually ask how things are going with Bill, you usually get one of two responses: “He’s great,” or a huge build up of emotion and an outpouring of built up romantic pain that they’ve been hoping to get out of their system for too long.
I’m fine with, “He’s great.” Even if I know he’s not. It’s fine. If someone’s not comfortable talking to me about it, I’m glad that they at least know that I’m checking in and am here if they ever do need or want to talk.
But, I really do love the break downs. I know that sounds so creepy, but it’s not. I love it, especially when it’s one of those people I’m not normally close to because it means you really tapped in to them at just the right time.
There’s a small window for people like that when they’ve exhausted their mental toughness stage and drifting through the transitional arena before they enter into the dark place where they will ONLY confide in their close, personal friends. The problem is, who knows if they have close, personal friends that will really be there for them in the right way? And, even if they do have those people, maybe they’re people that are already so invested in that person’s life and it will make it even more difficult and awkward (like, couple friends that end up getting involved and being forced to take sides, thus, putting their own relationship at risk for conflict).
Man, that sounds like a mess.
But, there’s something really special and unique between two people that don’t know each other that much, but are able to share and help each other through something really personal and private.
Missy Gramer was that person for me years ago when we went through a devastating miscarriage before we got pregnant with Bode. She and I knew each other through CrossFit, but we were by no means “good friends”. She had her own personal experiences that she was able to use with me to help dig me out of one of the worst depressions I’ve ever witnessed…and, she will now forever be one of the people I am most thankful to for helping me turn my life back around. I, honestly, think of her more as a guardian angel than a human being. And, we went from being mere acquaintances to more like soul sisters.
I, recently, had a friend share her story with me. Not a “close” friend, but also not just an acquaintance…but, it was one of those situations where I knew she was going through something, I winged it and asked how she was handling everything, and she spent a good amount of time talking out the pain that she was going through until someone walked in and we just left it at that. I just loved the whole thing because I know I can now keep checking back in with her and let her know she’s not alone in what she’s going through.
I know it’s all sappy stuff, but sometimes life gets sticky. And, when it does, you need someone to help clean you off.